My prayer life is still a pathetic and small thing, but I find when ever I open the door to the Lord, even the smallest bit, He is ready with revelation.
…If only I will hear it.
With a mouthful of sandwich already, I remembered to say grace. Thanks for God’s great provision for me daily.
That small reminder to communicate thanks began to grow into a larger prayer…as forgotten prayer life is wont to do, and soon I began to realize something.
The Holy Spirit is seeking to declutter my disorganized and overburdened mind. He sorted through a number of vague guilt trips and forgotten good intentions, and it was so like the actions I had repeatedly followed all through the past year.
In my house…
As I opened doors to rooms that I had ashamedly kept closed, hauled out boxes of mishmashed contents, and removed cobwebs and cleaned before installing in their rightful place. Or simply bagged up and hauled away (much to my husbands delight).
In my heart…
As the Holy Spirit acts as a guide, it must be me that opens the doors and assembles the thinking. I must decide whether I am willing to throw something out or put it in the place where I can access it when needed.
In my physical life, it was something that I had experienced breakthrough within. Lifelong piles of accumulated stuff, much of it useless and undesirable, had finally been cleared. New and accessible fittings were begun to hold what was kept. And now I could see that this is the way God wishes me to live in the inner rooms of my soul.
There are so many dusty places of old thinking, values, and ideas that never had anything to do with God’s thoughts. Bits of broken dreams, the broken cisterns of past teachings that were incongruent with the love of God, the life of the Spirit.
Those, along with layers of living only for myself, making my own plans without consulting either God or the people impacted by those plans. It all needed to be swept away or sorted through, pulling the valuable from the surrounding debris.
- False guilt and the judgments of others
- Insecurity about my failings- we all fail, and I had to get over that fact.
- Fear of success. Change is a good thing, and success is one type of change I want to embrace.
- The need to control. I have little of it, and that is okay.
- Releasing control to God, allowing others their choices.
- An attitude of gratefulness
- Courage to step forward
- General plans of improvement, one step at a time.
- Taking control of myself and my decisions.
Instead of lots of “must-do” lists, I find that insight into the work of the comforting Helper creates a desire to try out more of the connection of prayer during my day. Try to live what I believe instead trying to make it work. Like the flow of lifegiving sap, from my roots in the Lord; not the forcefed infusion of outer stimulation.
Instead of worrying concerns and tormented thoughts, there is a feeling of strength and peace.
I like this clear and open space much better than trying to gather control and harbor resentments.
I needed to jot down these thoughts so that I would have them to meditate on and be more open to a greater understanding of what God has been wanting to do in my life from the beginning.
I do wonder at myself… that I can go so long and be so very unaware. I am thankful for the insights of today. May they multiply!